When I was younger I used to be utterly obsessed with the name Amanda. I'm not sure why, because looking back at this time in my life, I am completely weirded out. I spent a countless amount of time wishing my real name was Amanda.
My sister Ivy went through something similar, but more extreme. She was obsessed with the name Dina. She told everyone around her to call her Dina. When strangers asked her name, she replied Dina. Then she moved on to the name Juliet. She is a musical theatre star, so naturally she immersed herself and played the part. The only way she would respond to my parents was if they called her Juliet. In an encounter with an officer that was checking our passports, he asked her name and she responded with "Juliet. but my other name is Dina and my real name is Ivana." That was a big no no and led her into big trouble. As of today, she is 11 years old and responds to Ivana, Ivy, or IvyRod. The "Dina" and "Juliet" phases thankfully passed.
No matter how hard Ivy and I try, we will never be anyone else except for ourselves. Sometimes this is hard to accept. I wish I were Blake Lively. but Im not. Ivy probably wishes she were Hermione Granger. but she's not. We will only ever be ourselves, and nobody else will ever be us. I try to live to be the best version of myself. I try not to live vicariously through another because I need to focus on me. I am not Amanda. Ivana is not Dina. She is also not Juliet. I am Kiana. and that is all.
update 8/11/17: My new theology teacher is named Amanda and she has taken me on an immersion, inspired me, made me a friendship bracelet, bonded with me, and taught me the importance of service all within four days ... anyways without a doubt she has freaking CHANGED MY LIFE ???? all that time wishing my name was Amanda and I finally met the Amanda I have always wanted to be ohmygoodness IS THIS CRAZY OR IS THIS CRAZY
My sister Ivy went through something similar, but more extreme. She was obsessed with the name Dina. She told everyone around her to call her Dina. When strangers asked her name, she replied Dina. Then she moved on to the name Juliet. She is a musical theatre star, so naturally she immersed herself and played the part. The only way she would respond to my parents was if they called her Juliet. In an encounter with an officer that was checking our passports, he asked her name and she responded with "Juliet. but my other name is Dina and my real name is Ivana." That was a big no no and led her into big trouble. As of today, she is 11 years old and responds to Ivana, Ivy, or IvyRod. The "Dina" and "Juliet" phases thankfully passed.
No matter how hard Ivy and I try, we will never be anyone else except for ourselves. Sometimes this is hard to accept. I wish I were Blake Lively. but Im not. Ivy probably wishes she were Hermione Granger. but she's not. We will only ever be ourselves, and nobody else will ever be us. I try to live to be the best version of myself. I try not to live vicariously through another because I need to focus on me. I am not Amanda. Ivana is not Dina. She is also not Juliet. I am Kiana. and that is all.
update 8/11/17: My new theology teacher is named Amanda and she has taken me on an immersion, inspired me, made me a friendship bracelet, bonded with me, and taught me the importance of service all within four days ... anyways without a doubt she has freaking CHANGED MY LIFE ???? all that time wishing my name was Amanda and I finally met the Amanda I have always wanted to be ohmygoodness IS THIS CRAZY OR IS THIS CRAZY
Comments
Post a Comment