coffee and keeks

I do this thing where most of the time I don't care what other people think of me, so I do whatever I want and I say whatever comes into my mind. It can end well, or in regret. Either way, there is no going back. And I'm in the process of learning to LOVE the fact that there is no rewind button. Whatever happens happens, and I'm starting to accept that. Its okay that sometimes I'm an idiot, it's great to be opinionated, and its even better to speak out about how you really feel. There is no going back, so might as well embrace every moment. All of them. The good, the bad, and even the embarrassing.  Ive stopped carrying pieces of my past as a burden because I've recently made the realization that I can't change the past, only how I look at it. Soooooo, Ive decided to start looking at it in the best light possible. I laugh at the moments when my life has screwed me over and I've made dumb mistakes. I've stopped the guilt regarding the words that c...

Wowzers. Four days spent out of your comfort zone changes ya man. During this time I had an epiphany. A few, actually. While I will not be sharing them all, I will be sharing that there are more important issues in this world than to be complaining about how gross school uniforms are or how annoying someone is or how frustrating it is when McDonalds runs out of McGriddles.  This trip strengthened a spiritual connection that I felt had been long lost for me. I came back happy. So happy. So thankful. So blessed. I'm actually kind of upset that it took a service trip to realize how blessed I am. I should've realized this a long time ago. A week ago today I returned to the comfort of my home and coziness of my bed. I've been blissful for an entire week. I have more patience, I have more concern, I have more of a grounded mindset.  I've learned to take a step back in difficult situations. I have stopped stressing so much about all the small stuff. I realized that I fre...

I overshare. Fact. Everyone and their mother knows everything about me. Anyone can find out what I had for breakfast, my current mood, if I'm on my period ...by asking or simply me telling. No need to say anything for me to tell you my life story ;). I share the small, mostly unimportant details of my life, but the big events going on I keep top secret. I only enjoy others knowing my business to a certain point. This point is hard to get to, as my friends know almost everything about me. But as well as they think they know me... they don't. I keep a lot to myself. I hold it all in. Sometimes I feel like I'll explode because of all the thoughts going through my head , but then I just tell myself "I'm fine I'm fine it's FINE!!!" I am transparent because I choose to be. This is both good and bad. Good: Sharing my thoughts and whatever is on my mind helps me bond with others and connect in ways I wouldn't of thought was possible. In a way, I feel lik...

Two weeks ago today I embarked on a new journey that is my sixteenth year of life. Very scary, very exciting. I have many hopes for it but I am trying to sail through the year with no expectations. I hope this is the year I figure stuff out. I don't know what kind of "stuff" I'm even talking about ... thats what I need to figure out ;) But I hope by this time next year I have a more transparent mindset when it comes to knowing what I want and knowing what I am doing, as I am extremely indecisive. And I hope this realization doesn't come in the way it would in a cheesy coming of age movie.  On another note I am sixteen years and fourteen days old and already #living. I am a newly licensed driver and driving the road like I own it ;)). jk I drive like a granny I am excited to see what this year brings. Maybe new friends?? new mindsets?? life changing experiences ?? My hope is that the answer is yes to all of the above. And that will also be my answer to anythi...

My not so little sis has graduated middle school and is joining me in high school in three short months. It will be a change for all of us. Here is what I wish someone had told me.  High school. Welcome. You will have a dramatic, insanely fun, tear jerking experience. Tear jerking in both good and bad ways. You will make new friends, some that you like and some that you pretend to like. You will dislike some teachers and you will call others "mom." You can make the best out of it, or let it suck. Its your choiiicceeeee.  Try a new sport. Make friends with upperclassmen (even though they will one day leave you and you will cry. a lot.) Be the best version of yourself possible. Don't be afraid to ask for and receive extra help, everyone does it. Stay out of drama and don't make small things a big deal. Live for yourself and no one else. You're perfect and you're worth it and everybody loves you, don't ever forget it.  Your first two years at this wond...

SOS life is moving wayyyy too fast. I am (almost) officially halfway done with my high school career. So. Freaking. Crazy.  Some of my best friends graduated this past weekend. My sister graduates middle school on Friday (!!!!!) and soon gets to join me in this wonderful world that is called high school. I turn sixteen two weeks from this very day and will hopefully be getting my drivers license a few days after. But how??? I still feel twelve.  Currently reflecting on my sophomore year and thinking about how thankful I am for every part of it. All of the memories, new friendships, and meaningful conversations. Even the parts of the year filled with tears and all-nighters and ugly cries. I am most definitely not the same person as nine months ago. Every laugh, cry-fest, and person I've encountered have impacted me in one way or another. Here comes junior year. Rumor has it that life only gets harder from this point on. But it also only goes uphill from this point on...

I love to camp. Camping is my favorite activity, especially if I’m with the people that I love the most, aka my family. I love the feeling of breathing in crisp air from the high elevation. I love the sunshine. I don't think I could ever move to Seattle, because I would probably be depressed from all of the rain. I love flowers, especially daisies. I love polaroid pictures. It is the best way to capture forever images of my favorites, whether it is people, places, or things that I enjoy. I also love glitter. It is a way to describe me. Glitter is very direct. It gives a wow-factor and draws attention. I can relate to this. I draw attention in both negative and positive ways. Negative: I am clumsy. I am always falling, tripping, spilling things… drawing attention to myself. Positive: I am very outspoken. I am vocal about my thoughts and feelings which is good in my opinion. I make myself known to others through my emotions and sensations. My favorite city in the entire world is New ...

When I was younger I used to be utterly obsessed with the name Amanda. I'm not sure why, because looking back at this time in my life, I am completely weirded out. I spent a countless amount of time wishing my real name was Amanda. My sister Ivy went through something similar, but more extreme. She was obsessed with the name Dina. She told everyone around her to call her Dina. When strangers asked her name, she replied Dina. Then she moved on to the name Juliet. She is a musical theatre star, so naturally she immersed herself and played the part. The only way she would respond to my parents was if they called her Juliet. In an encounter with an officer that was checking our passports, he asked her name and she responded with "Juliet. but my other name is Dina and my real name is Ivana." That was a big no no and led her into big trouble. As of today, she is 11 years old and responds to Ivana, Ivy, or IvyRod. The "Dina" and "Juliet" phases thankfully p...

Everything always has a way of working itself out. Always. The situations you stress about seem to have good endings, and even if they're not good, they're still an ending. And in the end, everything comes together whether you like it or not. You are first to admit that you overthink. a lot. Especially about what could go wrong instead of what could go right. You worry about the future and events that haven't yet happened. You stress "what-ifs" and think of every possibility for every situation. It scares you not knowing what happens next. But you always find that after spending what feels like eight hours stressing and overthinking about something dumb, it isn't as bad as you think it is.  Everything will eventually come together. Unexpected good can come out of any situation. As can unexpected bad, but this is where you need to trust the process. In God's hands the only way you can go is forward. There are bumps in the road, but in the end you are so...

I overwork myself. Because of this, there are consequences. I don't realize these consequences exist until I come face to face with them. I take on more than I can handle because I think I'm some sort of badass super human. (spoiler alert ... I'm not) I pull all-nighters to finish the homework that isn't due until next week. Yes, the satisfaction of finally being finished is amazing, but regret comes at school. I am grumpy. I don't pay attention in class. I am simply not myself. The people around me definitely notice. I tell myself I need to work on my time management to stop the all-nighters which again ... doesn't work out. When my friends have problems I let them come to me. They talk, rant, cry, let out their emotions. I listen, give advice where I can, and try my best to help in any way that I can. I have problems of my own to deal with, but I deal with theirs first. This is probably the cause of my occasional emotional breakdowns. This is no one...

Coachella Fest consists of pure feelings of euphoria. The amount of energy and good vibes is insane!! I love that this festival is what my hometown is known for. One day is enough to go through all of the emotions. (and one day is also enough to get sick from the smell of all the weed)  The performances are absolutely iconic.  There is a unique energy between the performers and crowd that works perfectly together. Everyone at the festival is striving for the same thing -- having a good time and listening to good music. This goal radiates happiness and excitement all throughout the festival. It was truly an awesome experience that I would go through again in a heartbeat. But for now, until next year Coachella ;)

What I should be doing: studying for an English quiz on  Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew" What I actually am doing: thinking 'bout life and writing this lol. Putting faith in other people is hard for me. Maybe its because I've been let down so many times, or maybe its just because I'm not close with many people. I would much rather keep my secrets or do something for myself rather than rely on someone else. "Trust me" are two words I often hear together and on a regular basis. They are dreaded. They cause me to overthink at night and worry too much.  I trust God through any situation whether it be good or bad. I find myself to have such strong faith in Him because I know that in the end he will never let me down. Everything he does and brings into my life is for a specific reason. He knows how my life will turn out and I simply need to put my faith in Him and that He will lead me down the right path.  Best friends since fifth grade, Nadiy...

There was a video on the CNN website saying that these past 100 days may have been the worst of any presidency yet. I am probably the least political person I know, but I have strong feelings toward this presidency.  Although we should be hopeful and trust that President Trump will do what he believes is best for our country, many people have begun to live in fear. Fear of being deported, fear of having rights taken away, fear of violence… The list goes on and on.  I personally am most afraid of having my rights taken away. As a woman I have to work twice as hard as men in order to get what I want. As a woman of hispanic origin, I need to work three times as hard. My wish is for myself and women across the country to be seen as equal to men because we can do all the same as them and even more. But with President Trump, my hopes of seeing a country that is completely equal have been let down.  The way he talks about women is revolting. The disrespect that is received...

This has been sitting heavily on my heart for a few days. I have written this countless times, but gone back and deleted all of it. My attempts to share what is going on in my mind don't satisfy me. So my last option is being straightforward:  There is no point in holding grudges.  There is no point in making someone feel bad about themselves. There is no point in being friends with someone if the relationship doesn't work out. Forgive and forget.  Always be nice and spread love.  Get rid of toxic people.  Start fresh.  It is best for everyone <3

Happy international women's day!!!!   There are 101 males to every 100 females, yet we are still seen as subordinate to men. It doesn't really make sense to me. And whenever the question is asked I am quickly shut down. "Now's not the time," "Ask someone else," "I'm not really sure..."  What I want to know is when my question will be answered. Women can do the same things as men. Even more. We can give life. Men definitely can not do that. I feel that men think that just because they have an extra body part they are immediately superior. I am smarter than some boys. I am stronger than some boys. I am nicer than some boys.  But when will society accept this?? Why is the world not okay with me having the same value as the boy sitting next to me? We are the future. And the future is not promising if gender stereotypes still exist. I am female and I am proud to be female! I know for a fact I can do anything on this earth if I wanted to....

Today was just another day. Same old, same old. Everything is caught up in the same routine. I have gotten used to my surroundings and the life around me. The people, places, and things I do don't change. I feel nothing, but also everything at the same time. My mind feels bland. It also feels overflowing with emotion. Its something I can't describe. One minute I care, the next I don't. I need a long hug. Or a long bath. Or a long nap. Something. I need something to snap me out of this and bring me back to reality. The reality that is filled with adventure and surprises and friends and randomness. I understand that with this reality can also come failure and sadness and heartbreak, but that is the balance. There is beauty in that balance. I currently don't feel that balance. I'm not sure why. My life is leaning more towards the negative side. I do not enjoy it. Maybe something good is coming. I hope so. Many moments of pure content. Because I don't feel...

Valentine's Day still has me thinking about all the things I love about my life. It is the cheesiest day of the year, and this is the cheesiest thing I have ever written, but things like these are what make me happy.  I love hiking to watch the sunrise from the top of a mountain. I love my family. No words can ever explain !!! I love anyone who can make me laugh until tears come out of my eyeballs. Especially in times I need it most. I love weddings and pregnant ladies !!!! This is a weird one but the act of bonding two people for life is so incredible and scary and magical and I love when two people are 100% certain they want to be together forever. As for pregnant ladies, the act of bringing new life to this earth is again, incredible and scary and magical. Pregnant ladies are so beautiful and strong in every way. I love concerts, especially when the lights dim just before they are about to begin oh my goodness the hype is so intense.  I love peo...

I have no idea what I want to do with my life.  I thought I had it pretty much figured out, but turns out I don't :))). Plans change, interests change, people change. I had a set idea but now I'm not certain and it drives me insane !!!!! I am terrified of the future and the unknown. I wish I could know what college I'm going to, what I'm going to do later in life, if everything is going to turn out okay... but I don't know. I can't know. There is no way of me knowing yet. The future holds endless possibilities and that is a scary thought. You can be walking on sunshine one minute and fall flat on your butt the next. It stresses me out !! (again with not living in the moment ... ) It brings me anxiety and nervousness. I want to be successful. I want to live a long life. I want to make people proud. I want to change someone else's life. There is no guarantee that any of this will happen. I try to trust that everything is in God's hands, but its h...

One of my favorite colors with many different feelings attached to it. Light blue, dark blue, sky blue, navy blue... all the same but also entirely opposite. You can feel blue and filled with sadness, or look up at the blue sky with an open mind. You can see light blue and think of new life, or see a dark blue and think of a terrifying ocean. Or maybe even see a gorgeous, never-ending ocean.  The possibilities with this color are endless. It is open to interpretation and that is such a beautiful thing. Two people can look at the same exact thing or color, yet think and make connections that are totally independant from each others. How crazy is that?? No two people think exactly alike and that is compelling. SO weird and so mind-blowing !!! I love thinking about it.  Everyone has their very own view of the world whether they choose to share it or not. What the world needs is more open mindedness and less judgment. Humans are SO incredible and more thoughts need to be ...

          saturday night.  One time my friends and I went to a Fitz and The Tantrums concert where we danced and jumped around until our feet felt like they were just about to fall off. The experience was an 11/10.  We then spontaneously decided to go to formal 15 minutes before it started. It was very entertaining and full of bad dancing to say the least ... I am someone who forgets to go with the flow a lot of the time. I miss so many opportunities by not being spontaneous.  I am first to say this is something I need to work on. All of saturday's plans were last minute and brought me such a great time. Fitz and The Tantrums were phenomenal and seeing them with friends made the experience so much better! so much love for my gals and this night<3